As a parent you always live in a balance between hope and fear for your kids; at least I do. I hope for the best and try to provide every way for them to enjoy and succeed in life. I always live in fear that they will hurt themselves, fail at anything or have anything wrong with them. I feel blessed for the most part in my life, but we have had our share of problems.
My oldest son is severely disabled, which has always been a difficult thing for me to come to terms with, but for the most part it has become a part of our lives. I still hold resentment for some of the ways his disabilities came about, but you can’t harbor those forever and life continues on whether you deal with it or not. He is a loved part of our family, for which there has never been a question.
We have been blessed with three other healthy children and work hard to be the best parents we can for them. At least we thought thought they were fully healthy. Recently another of my children has been developing some severer personality issues that have started to effect his everyday life negatively. After nearly a year of buying books and trying every possible parenting technique we could think of, we finally started seeing a child psychologist. Within two sessions more drastic treatment has been advised and started this week. It has been crushing to watch him in such emotional pain and need that such measures are necessary. I can only try to imagine what is going on in that little head and hope we can find the right treatment to help him.
As I have mentioned often in other posts, I am a problem solving kind of guy. I like knowing a solution and working towards it. When there is no clear solution to be had and when you have to put the care of your child into the hands of others, there is a total feeling of helplessness that in no clearer terms, sucks. I am not 100% confident in the care he is currently receiving, but there is really nothing more we can do. We have to put our trust into a system that I have had poor results with another child and pray for the best.
So, today, life sucks. I try to come up with a positive outlook on things, and often talking through it and voicing my frustrations. I had some good venting session with my friends at work, which helps me to some degree; at least in my ability to move on with the day. The day really only sucks because I really care about my child and want him to get better. I have to trust in others to do that, and that sucks.
There have been a few people that know something has been going on, so there you have it. No need to worry about our family other than we appreciate concern and look forward to working our way through this. We have a wonderful network of friends that have helped us farm out our other kids while we spend time with our urgent need, and for that we are very grateful. It is at times like this you really learn to appreciate such relationships.